


I Look, And I Find

by 1f_this_be_madness



Series: No Love Like Your Love [1]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, Queen (Band)
Genre: Affection, Also Brian definitely needed to eat more, Band Fic, Because it's a what-if situation, BoRhap boys to the rescue, Character Study, Conversations in bookshops, Crying, Declarations Of Love, Drinking & Talking, Film press tour, Fluff and Angst, Freddie was totally a mother hen, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Gwilym Lee seems like such a genuinely sweet person, Hugs, I appreciate him, I list Freddie's death as major because for John and the band it still is, I love John Deacon so much, I love the idea of Freddie cooking or attempting to cook for John, I needed to write something that wasn't completely angsty, I'm sorry Ben isn't here, If John Deacon saw Bohemian Rhapsody and talked about it, In Medias Res, Joe Mazzello has such a bubbly personality, John loves Freddie so much still, Minor Swearing, Nicknames, Not Canon Compliant, Not alcohol drinking though, Rami Malek is darling, Sort Of, The BoRhap cast is amazing and they love each other, Veronica Tetzlaff is lovely and supportive, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-23 03:15:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18541168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1f_this_be_madness/pseuds/1f_this_be_madness
Summary: John Deacon hears about the film Bohemian Rhapsody, and is informed about a development with the actor playing him. He is uncertain how to feel about it.(Or, what could happen if John were to see the movie and confront what Queen and his dear friend Freddie still mean to him.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Wiggles91](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wiggles91/gifts).



_I look, and I find, no change...._

John Deacon's youngest son tells him about a film that is in the works. "I've been asked to meet with the man who's playing you, Dad," he says in a hesitant way. "...Is that okay?"

John's face crinkles into an indulging smile. A film with an actor playing him. Right. "What's the film on, Cameron?"

"It's called Bohemian Rhapsody, and it's about ... Uncle Freddie. And about Queen."

The smile of acceptance drops from John's face and he feels cold. Oh, no. "They didn't--he doesn't expect me to--" he does not even know how to formulate his question, but Cameron understands. Bless him for it.

"No, Da," his son soothes. "No one expects anything from you. I got an email from Brian, explaining what's happening and asking if it's all right for this man to meet me. He's an American, and Uncle Bri said he's 'incredibly committed' to getting this right, representing you truly and well."

John closes his eyes. This is a nightmare, it has to be. "But the press--"

"Far as I know, the press can't tap all the phone lines in this country. Yet," Cameron speaks cheerfully with a trace of that soft irony John recalls so well from his younger days. "--But if you're really not comfortable with it, I'll call the er --lunch-- off. We were planning to hit an out of the way place--your specialty, Dad. But I'll call Brian right now if you aren't on board with it." His expression is dead serious; he will call this meeting off the instant his father gives the word, and John wonders fleetingly how often his children talk to Brian May. If his YOUNGEST has Bri's email and phone number.... But that is another conversation for another time. For now, right now, he really ought to start listening to Freddie. It's about damn time he did.

 _"Don't make me boring,"_ Fred had told them all so long ago. And a film about him has got to be one of the least boring things to leave behind. John Deacon swallows hard. His son is still standing before him, waiting, worried; those expressive features he had inherited are trained openly upon his father's. John's lower lip juts out as he utters "Just one thing. What made you want to do this, Cam? Why did you say yes?"

Cameron Deacon shuffles his feet and eventually replies "... Because I want the world to see you, Dad. The real you, as real as we can get it. I know you still love Freddie, and Brian, and Roger--and you've been carrying this, your grief, how sad you still are, alone for so long. I just--I want people to see YOU in this film. I want them to know who you are." His voice fails for a moment. "I'm so proud of you, Dad."

John's lips tremble and his eyes fill with tears that threaten to fall. Cameron is standing there looking lost, and John moves and pulls his youngest into a hug. "I love you, Cammie," he murmurs into his hair. "Thank you."

Cameron squeezes his father back tightly, and John feels his son's muscles relax. He must have been awfully worried about how John would take this, and that makes sorrow bite into his guts. No child should ever have to be afraid of upsetting their parent in such a manner. And it has been so long.... 

John pulls away after a minute or two and adds haltingly but sincere, "And I trust your judgement, so if this...actor absolutely HAS to talk to me...," His stomach clenches as he speaks those words but he does not take them back. 

Cam pats him on the arm. "Don't worry, Dad. I won't tell him or offer anything that you're not comfortable with."

"Just--tell him the truth." The words have slipped out in a far more plaintive manner than John meant. Damn it. His hand is shaking as he drops it from his son's shoulder.

Cameron's face is open and loving and serious as he responds with "I will, Dad."

***

...And whatever Cameron had said to the actor--Joseph Mazzello--it bloody well worked. John is watching himself, and surprisingly it does not hurt the entire time. Joe has his humour down, his expressions, his VOICE even. It's astonishing.

But Freddie. Oh, Freddie.

It had been a trial to view it at first; John had waited to watch the film at home with Veronica and any of the children and grandchildren who decided to show up to the house, rather than going to the cinema. It's a bit like having Sunday supper to watch a football match. John hates thinking of this like it's anything close to a football match, but Brian would appreciate that, he knows. And no doubt Roger would grin cheekily to hear he has a new generation of giggly fans in John's teenage granddaughters. 

So they make it a family supper date, no big deal. Except that it is. Of course it is. John's stomach has been in knots since the morning, and his queasiness has not abated in the slightest, not even after Veronica's gentle assurances that "You know you haven't got to watch this, hon. No one would think any less of you if you didn't."

Oh, Veronica. "That isn't the point, my dearest. But thank you." He squeezes her hand and she gazes at him with her lovely eyes before kissing him on the cheek. She knows what the point is; and that only John can decide when and if he is able and ready to witness anything of Queen. If he can handle it.

But John sits down and watches and loses himself. He presses his palms together against his lips as he watches Rami Malek embody the spirit of his friend. He does not look like Freddie--his shoulders are thinner and his torso and overall physique less muscular. His eyes are grey and limpid and enormous; but though they are not Freddie's colour, they hold and showcase so much of his warmth and kindness and generosity of spirit. John is enthralled.

He reaches out and takes his wife's hand when Freddie tells the lads about his diagnosis, and air shudders from his mouth and nose as he watches Mazzello react to that. Oh, God. The ache in his eyes is _real_. John finds himself barely able to breathe during the remainder of the picture, only able to unclench his hand from Ronnie's during 'Radio GaGa' in Live Aid and murmur to the kids "...Yeah, we had never seen an audience perform that double-clap back to us in unison before."

He makes it to the credits and then he cannot stand to see Freddie himself on screen singing 'Don't Stop Me Now'. That is too much for him, and Veronica mercifully turns it off and asks if he would care for a cup of tea. John nods woodenly and reaches up to thread his fingers through his wife's as she presses his shoulder upon standing.

Clearing his throat and swallowing repeatedly, John wipes his eyes and does his best to smile at his children. Cameron in particular is studying him with concern, and then his granddaughter comes up beside him and puts her little hand on his knee. Moved by the affectionate touch, John swoops her into his arms and kisses her hair. "Thank you, sweetheart," he murmurs. His daughter Laura sits beside him and snuggles close as well. John shifts and wraps his arm around her.

"Love you, Dad."

"I love you too."


	2. Chapter 2

_I look, and I find, I still love you._

It is some time later when John asks his son if they might be able to contact Joe Mazzello. "I...want to let him know that I watched the movie and appreciated what I saw," John says. "Do you think I might--write him a letter?"

Cameron chuckles. "Dad, I dunno that people use snail mail anymore. He's coming to England for a press tour, though--I'm sure we can figure out a way for you to talk face-to-face."

The elder Deacon man shifts uncomfortably. "I...I wouldn't know what to say."

Tipping hs face forward to look into his father's gentle but so uncertain eyes, "Exactly what you just did, Dad." Cameron replies. "We can make sure it's brief and private, but I'm sure--I really think your words would mean a lot to him. If you're comfortable with meeting up," he hastily adds. "I understand if not, and so would he."

John Deacon sighs. He is privileged and so very lucky to have a family that understands his grief, and pain, and wishes to stay far from the limelight. But he wishes every so often that they would attempt to snap him out of it. He cannot stop this ache inside, except by the thought: _If I were to tell him what this meant, what this movie means, if not precisely help, it might...somehow bring some small measure of peace._ And oh how much he wishes for peace, that he can make peace with the fact that Freddie is gone and that he walked away from his band brothers, from Queen, for a valid reason. 

Well. Here goes. "...Okay. Tell Joseph if he can find a way not to be followed or hounded, that...I would briefly like to meet."

Cameron's eyes are bright as he beams. "Okay, Dad. You got it."

***

John is sweating in his jumper as he strides back and forth across the polished floor. Cameron had called and said Joseph would be coming by at two pm, and Ronnie is out running errands. 

For the first time in a long time, John wishes he had a drink to settle his nerves. And just like that he is on stage again, under the lights, vision hazy as he steps and dances and stumbles in front of Roger's drums, and then in his mind's eye there is Freddie....

The harsh sound of the doorbell interrupts his wild and whirling remembrances, and John heaves out a heavy gasp, sweat standing in beads upon his face. He dabs briefly at his cheeks and forehead, and his heart pounds in his ears as he hears a knock upon the door.

He forces himself to go to and opens it to see -- _himself_ , as he looked thirty years ago. Maybe more. His light eyes, the lips, the pale skin. It is utterly surreal. And then the face splits into a huge smile and its owner sticks out his hand. 

Smacking his lips and extending his arm, the young man speaks jauntily in a decidedly American accent: "Wow, this is such an honour, really. Um. Mr Deacon, I'm Joe Mazzello."

"...Okay," John shakes his hand. "John Deacon here." He instantly wants to kick himself for phrasing it like that, but the young man who played him does not seem to mind. His gaze remains open and his face is friendly, and suddenly John finds himself blinking back tears. Letting go of Joe's hand and looking down for a moment in an attempt to compose himself, he adds "Would you...like to come in?"

"Only if you're comfortable with that, Mr Deacon."

"John," he gets out. "Call me John. I think you've earned that." Stepping back from the doorway he waves towards his kitchen. "And that's alright; I put the kettle on. Well, the pot, actually. For coffee. Do you like coffee?"

"I love coffee," Joe enthuses as he steps inside the foyer and shuts the door behind him carefully. "Thank you very much."

"That's alright," John says again. "Kitchen's this way. Sorry the place isn't so clean, my wife tells me I'm useless with a duster." Joe laughs at that, a bright lively sound that brings an answering smile unbidden to John's face. He gestures for Joe to take a seat wherever he likes as he retrieves two mugs from a cupboard and places them upon the stone island in the center of the kitchen. His hands shake slightly as he picks up the coffee pot and pours the rich, dark liquid into the first cup that he pushes over to Joe. 

The younger man takes it without a word about John's hands or anything, and takes a gulp of the coffee. "AHHHH!" Immediately he screams as the liquid burns his tongue. John jumps and Joe apologises. "I am so sorry, that was SUPER hot." He waves a hand before his mouth as if he could somehow cool it down as he sets his cup back on the island. "Apparently I didn't think about literal steam coming out of coffee meaning that it's really hot because I'm an idiot." 

A tiny smile crinkles the skin around John's eyes. He recognises that self-deprecating brand of humour all-too-well. Pouring himself a cup of coffee now, the older man sits beside Joe.

Tapping the tips of his fingers on the stone, Joe clears his throat and asks "So, uh. If you don't mind me asking, what do you do now, Mr D-- uh, John?"

"I play with my grandkids," John says. "I actually did a lot of work with computers, and built some stereo equipment for my sons and others; installed car radios..." He shrugs, modest. "Not much excitement, really."

Joe beams. "No no, that's amazing. This may be a bit of a weird question, but do you still have that amplifier, the one you made? I heard you gave it a name...?" John's hands still around his coffee cup and Joe worries that he has said something wrong. He really ought to tread lightly; this guy has stayed out of the public eye all these years for a reason. 

But John settles his shoulders and stands. Something releases, softens in his eyes as he beckons. "Let me show you something, please." So polite. Joe rises as well, leaving his cup of cooling coffee and following John to a door behind which a miniscule room houses what appears to be speakers, an amplifier, and --is that a sound board? "Here," John enters the space and turns the amplifier, revealing the name he had scratched into its side. "...I couldn't get rid of it," he confesses quietly. "May not play for people anymore, but I do still remember." Lifting his face to lock eyes with Joe, the erstwhile bassist croaks "...and I want to thank you for that. You reminded me that not all memories are painful. For a bit it didn't hurt as much. For a little over two hours I had my best friend back, and..." Words fail him as his lips tremble violently and his eyes fill with tears. "Thanks," he eventually chokes out.

"Oh," without even thinking about it, Joe crosses the little room and puts a hand on John's shoulder, tears standing in his own eyes. "It was a genuine privilege to be able to tell even a little of your story, and to honour Freddie and Queen." He smiles and says with loving sincerity, "So thank YOU, John."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftereffects of John meeting Joe.
> 
> Warning for a panic attack experienced in the second portion of this chapter

_The days were endless, we were crazy, we were young [...] You can't turn back the clock, you can't turn back the tide_

"Gwilly," Joe Mazzello enters their shared room to wait for the next press interview, smiling at his friend and costar as he walks over and grips him by the shoulder.

Gwilym Lee stands up straight and puts his long fingers over the other man's, pressing them gently as he smiles into Joe's eyes. "Hey mate, glad you made it back in time after your little excursion. Rami and I were wondering--" he ceases speaking as he looks closer at Joe's face and instantly shifts his hand to rub the other's back soothingly as he notices the expression thereupon. "What's going on, Joe? Are you alright?"

Joe shifts a little from foot to foot and blinks. His eyes remain bright and open as ever, but his voice is a bit thick. He still cannot quite believe what had just happened to him. "I'm good, I just talked to John Deacon," he whispers.

Gwilym's eyes bulge. " _WHAT?!_ " he yelps. "Details, Joe!"

"Ssh, shh, man! Keep it down!" Joe hisses. Gwil swallows and nods.

"Sorry."

"It's okay, I was freaking out too. He's still super private but I got invited, went to his place for coffee and we talked."

"--And?" Gwilym presses his hands before his face, light eyes hopeful. "Did he watch the film?"

"He did," Joe's eyes twinkle as his throat works. "He said that it reminded him of happy times, made him think of good memories. For a bit over two hours it didn't hurt, he had his best friend back..." Joe chokes at that and his voice is trembling. His eyes catch and hold Gwilym's as he tries to get his buddy to understand: "It didn't hurt SOLELY for those two and a half hours, Gwil."

The lean dark-haired man takes his friend's meaning and his eyes grow large with empathetic compassion. "Oh, Joey, c'mere." Wrapping his long arms around the shorter man, Gwilym pulls Joe into a secure hug.

Pressing his face into Gwil's shoulder and hugging him back, Joe gets out "He's such a great man, Gwil. It killed me to see him still so, just totally obviously _heartbroken._ " Gwilym nods against his friend's head in understanding, rubbing Joe's back again.

"...But you helped him," the Welshman says, pulling back a bit to look into Joe's eyes. "You played him so well it gave him that two-hour boost."

Sniffling back his sorrow, Joe blinks and smiles. "No, uh, I think it was Rami who really helped him."

"Oh, of course," Gwilym rolls his eyes in fondness. "The wonderous Rami Malek. However you WERE the person who played John, so I'm sure he has some appreciation for you as well, right?" Gwilym holds onto Joe's shoulders and smiles at him.

Eventually Joe nods in return, feeling a trifle giddy as he admits "He did thank me for my portayal of him. It was so awesome!"

"See?" The taller man grins widely, slapping his friend's shoulders and releasing him. "Accurate and completely deserved."

"Ah, stop it," Joe flourishes one hand to wave off the compliment but beams madly anyhow. Dipping his head, seriously he admits "... Talking with him was amazing, Gwil. I'll never forget it for the rest of my life."

"None of us are going to forget any of this," a new voice pronounces as Rami Malek enters the ready room, his grey eyes wide and a bright smile forming as he catches the last of his two friends' conversation. "Are you ready for this next interview, my darlings?"

Gwilym and Joe trade glances with each other and smile, their faces alight. God bless Rami Malek. "Ready, Freddie!" They both say in cheeky unison.

Rami ducks his head and smiles, cheeks tinting with a blush. "Oh, you guys...."

***

John never imagined the aftermath.

He didn't think that, if he enjoyed the film Bohemian Rhapsody, that other people's interest might be piqued and exhort them to try to find him, or when spotting him in public, to chase him down... He never imagined that he would stroll down a sidewalk with his wife and be mobbed by people, so many faces and voices and flashing cameras--from phones, now. They crowd round him and scream and call out, and John's heart beats wildly as he recalls people running after Freddie--his stomach heaves and he is sweating profusely now as he clutches Veronica's hand and tries desperately to get away. All he wants is peace; oh, why can't they leave him be? How much he misses the boys, and dear Freddie, who always kept him safe....

John's free hand is shaking as he covers his face. He hears a distant shout of "Leave the man alone" but he cannot get out, cannot break free, bodies are pressing in upon him and he can't move--can barely breathe--

Suddenly John is almost hit by a car, swaying as he had stepped into the street unawares. Horns are honking and then another car swerves and stops beside him. Its rear door opens for him and Veronica, and he hears an achingly familiar "Deacy, darling, do hop in!" and John does not stop to think that it is impossible for him to hear that particular voice again--he simply obeys. Ronnie is twitching but she follows and the door shuts behind them as that same voice calls out "Drive please, dear," and John looks up, gasping like a landed fish, into the enormous grey eyes of Rami Malek.

He had used his Freddie voice, and thank goodness he had, though John freezes in place as he tries to breathe, sitting curled and hunched forward on the seat. "I am so sorry that happened to you, to you both." Lips folding over his teeth briefly, he inclines his head to John and Veronica. "I'm Rami Malek."

Veronica shakes his hand with a quiet "Pleasure," as he extends it to her, and then she looks at and leans against her husband to provide support.

John bursts out in a strangled tone: "You--you sounded just like him."

Rami winces even as he appears pleased. "Thank you so much; I'm truly sorry I did that to you--"

"No," John shakes his head back and forth, blinking hard as he opens his fists and remembers to breathe. "... Don't be, it got us--me--out of there." His grey-green eyes flicker up to catch Rami's gaze now and he tries to smile. "Thank you."

John takes Rami's offered hand and the younger man grips his tight. "It's a privilege," he replies in earnest. "Genuinely."

"We were just lucky to be over here." That voice is familiar and John turns his head to see Joe Mazzello grinning at him from the front passenger seat. "--Good thing Gwilym wanted us to eat real English food tonight. Hi John."

"One gets tired of press food, honestly," emanates a new voice from the driver's seat, and John is bamboozled for the second time in this short ride.

"...Brian?" He utters, and there are chuckles. 

"Almost," Joe quips.

Smiling over his shoulder with warm, light-coloured eyes, a man who looks extraordinarily similar to John's old friend--but with much shorter hair and a bit of facial scruff--introduces himself. "I'm Gwilym Lee. This is--wow. John Deacon and his wife are in my car." He swallows and asks "Is there any place I can drop you both?"

Veronica squeezes her husband's hand and then strokes his hair as he sags into her, trembling now that the shock is over. "Just--far away from that place in particular would be best, I think. Thank you so much. All of you."

Gwilym gives her a sharp understanding nod. "You got it. This is honestly my pleasure."

Rami and Joe both offer a smile. "Agreed, ours as well."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After getting John and Veronica into the car, the boys take them away from the mobbed area.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have heard that Gwilym Lee is very interested in Shakespeare, so that's where his excitement about the books in this chapter comes from. (Also because I too am a Shakespeare nerd.) 
> 
> I have never been to a coffee shop/bookstore in London, and so based the idea off of one in particular I have been to in America. I also imagine that John and Veronica would have certain places they like to go where people are respectful of their wishes not to be ogled or disturbed.

_Sometimes it seems like lately I just don't know; the rest of my life's been just a show._

Gwilym drives John and Veronica all the way across the city to a tiny bookstore/coffee shop and hesitantly John asks if the three of them would care to come in with him and his wife. He says nothing else, but his eyes telegraph real appreciation and thanks, and it seems that he would honestly be all right if they joined him. Joe in particular gets the sense that they make him feel safe--at least after the terrible occurrence he had just suffered through.

Not one of them make a big deal about it; except for Gwil. After he parks and they reach the front door of the place he posits "--There may be some new text out about Shakespeare!" and practically charges into the shop.

"What a nerd," Joe guffaws, and Rami smiles as he waits for Veronica and John to enter before him. Joe holds the door open for them, and John goes straight for the back where there is apparently a cosy little nook he and his wife have sat in multiple times. It is out of sight of the majority of the place. "This is like a maze," Joe whistles as he moseys among the stacks.

"A labyrinth," Rami agrees.

Gwilym comes hustling between shelves, beaming at them as he carries a pile of books. "This place is bloody excellent!"

John smiles at Veronica as he reaches a chair beside the small table in their nook and sits down. "...He really is so much like Brian," he murmurs. "Though with literature instead of Space." Gwilym blushes as he too sits down, a trifle awkwardly, across the table from John.

Veronica smiles at her husband and lifts her purse. "Would you like your usual, my love?" she asks him, and John nods in gratitude, pressing her free hand. "All right, I'll get it. What would you boys like?" She inquires of them.

"I'll go with you to order," Rami offers. "I already know what to get Joe. What about you, Gwil?"

Gwilym doesn't answer, already poring over a book, nose-deep. "Gwilly!" Joe hisses at him.

"Herm--oh, I'm sorry. What?" His light eyes rise.

"What would you like from the coffee shop, dear?" Veronica smiles at him gently. "Rami and I are taking orders."

"Oh, I'll have--a cup of Earl Grey, please. If they don't have that, black coffee, three sugars." 

Rami nods. "I figured he'd ask for something like that."

"You know me well," Gwilym says with a slow, sweet smile just for Rami.

Joe sighs loudly. "Oh get a room, you two!"

"Ah ah, is Joey a little jealous because Ben isn't here for him?" Gwilym raises his eyebrows and transfers his now-cheeky grin over to Mazzello, who has sat down next to John. "That's too bad, Joe."

"Oh, well. You know I love you," Rami leans over and hugs Joe to him.

Joe waggles his eyebrows triumphantly at Gwilym and then beams up at Rami. "Love you too buddy."

Rami lets go and offers his arm to Veronica gallantly. "Shall we go get the drinks?" he asks her and she smiles as she takes his elbow.

"We shall."

John looks after the two as they move off together, feeling a warm sort of ache settle into his heart and his guts at the easy banter between these men, so much like what he once had with the lads as part of Queen... and Rami's easy sweetness and gallantry reminds him so much of Freddie. 

He is jolted out of those thoughts when Joe, who has sat beside him, shifts his chair and body to face John, and his expressive eyes catch the older man's. "Hey, John. I just wanted to officially check and see if--if you're okay." Joe blows out a heavy breath and smacks his lips. "...Because what happened back there with those so-called fans, that was rough, buddy. _Are_ you okay?" he asks. Gwilym has ceased reading now and is nodding along with Joe's words, his own gaze warm and full of sympathetic compassion as he looks at John.

At first John says nothing, his eyes flicker back and forth a bit. Neither man pushes him to speak, however; they simply sit by in companionable silence. That silence and their presences are comforting to John, he realises. Neither Joe nor Gwilym expect anything out of him, they are simply here and willing to listen if he chooses to talk. His heart aches at their kindness. Eventually "...I never realised," he admits, 'Just how much -celebrity, I suppose- is still attached to Queen. Even to the idea of Queen, now. This film, it has..." John pauses in an attempt to collect his thoughts. "It's changed a lot. Before I could stay unseen, unknown. Now, it's --different, as you saw." He adds in a little of that patented dry John Deacon humour and manages a smile.

Joe and Gwilym are both nodding. They have only seen the positive responses from fans of the film, but for someone whose goal in life has been to remain out of the public eye for more than twenty years, the side effects of fame and of this film are clearly, can clearly be damaging emotionally; and very nearly physically, as they witnessed this evening. "I'm truly sorry about that," Gwilym says, his bright eyes keen and kind as they rest on John's face. Joe nods furiously. "...We would never want any of this to upend your life."

Before John says anything, Rami and Veronica return with coffee and tea and biscuits for them all from the conjoining coffee shop, and Rami assures John they will not be disturbed: "Apparently the owner of this establishment knows you both rather well."

"And her teen-age daughter is quite taken with dear Rami," Veronica chuckles. "So I may have used that fact for our benefit." Gwil and Joe both radically raise their eyebrows.

Rami bows. "I'm more than happy to be of service in this instance," he says. His tone of voice is so gentle, and again John is reminded of Freddie by its kindness; but Rami also has a certain sparkle, for lack of a better term, all his own. 

The older man smiles tremulously in thanks for him and for all of them; and then he realises: "Oh, no, this is taking you away from your 'real English food' evening." He speaks with remorse.

"Nahhh, what could be more English than sitting in a bookshop reading about Shakespeare and drinking tea? Eh, Gwil?" Joe grins.

Gwilym flicks his eyes up. "Wow, thanks, Joe. Hang on, I DID see a fish and chip shop just down the road when we drove over. Is that English enough for you?"

Both Rami and Joe laugh, and John cracks a smile. "...Roger was always taking his dates out to fish and chip shops, 'specially during the early days when we had little to no income and none of us could really cook, except for Brian." His tone sounds a mite wistful. "...That might be why I love cheese toasts, because I ate them all the time--Freddie always swore up and down that was the only food he reliably knew how to make. 'And you're looking pale as death, darling!' he said. Fed me and Brian a lot. Oh-" John breaks off and both Ronnie and Joe instantly move to comfort him; Veronica takes his hand and Joe squeezes his shoulder. Their solid, loving presences ground John, for which he is grateful. 

He clams up now, though, and Gwilym stands. "Well I shall be the first to say that I enjoy a good greasy platter of fish and chips. Anyone like to come with and help me carry some back for all of us? The owners allow outside food items in this place, I hope. Wouldn't want to break any rules...."

"Okay then, _Brian_ ," Joe retorts significantly, immediate and John ducks his chin. That is certainly something Brian would say. Then Joe bounces upright and offers cheekily "But sure, I'll come with you. Maybe there's a sign in here somewhere...beside the door, I don't know, that directly tells us if outside food and drinks are prohibited." He smacks his lips and beams at his own wit, and Gwilym fondly shakes his head, lifting his chin a bit and rolling his eyes as he wraps an arm round Joe.

"Oh, yeah, mate. Excellent idea." Joe laughs aloud. Gwil lets go of him and adds "We'll be back in a bit." John tries to hand over some banknotes to pay for the fish, but "Oh, no. Keep your coin, Mr Deacon. This is my treat. It'd be an honour to buy supper for you and your wife, really."

"Let him do it if he wants to, hon," Veronica loudly whispers. "I already bought everyone's tea and coffee."

"She did," Rami affirms. "Put her cash up there on the counter instantly, and I couldn't stop her."

John's eyebrows draw together but his shoulders infinitesimally relax when Gwilym touches his arm with a smile so like Brian's. "--If you're honestly uncomfortable with me paying for it, then I won't. I just think it's the least that I can do for you, is all."

John's features soften. He still cannot rightly comprehend why these three men -or anyone, really- would be so honoured to do something for little old him; nobody special, just an electrical engineer who played bass for and then departed Queen. Yet Gwilym is utterly serious and sincere, as are they all. It is humbling. "Okay," he hears himself say. "You can if you really want to."

"I want to, Mr Deacon," Gwil responds. Joe nods.

"Thanks," John says. "And do call me John. I think all of you--" he glances round to the others and squeezes the hand of his wife, which he still holds. "Well, you deserve it. You've certainly done enough." He smiles now in his sly way. "...And maybe if we continue to get on, someday you can call me Deacy."

Gwilym's eyes bulge with shock as Joe's mouth drops open. "Oh, no, not at all!" Rami swiftly demurs. "We could never; that's for your friends." Joe shakes his head, agreeing with Rami.

After a bit of silence, the older man leans forward and speaks seriously, his soft gentle voice suffused with affection. "After all you've done for me in your film, and today, I...I would say that I consider us to be friends. If that's alright with you."

Joe blinks and is the first to speak, his voice suffused with enough excitement for them all: "Oh hell yeah!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of some of the BoRhap boys' thoughts upon meeting and assisting John.
> 
> This chapter was written after a suggestion given by ScholarlyBAMF --your idea is much appreciated, darling!

_These are the days of our lives, they've flown in the swiftness of time..._

Gwilym Lee's heart is pounding. John fucking Deacon is in his car right now. 

Joe and Rami had both seen what was happening with those so-called fans chasing after John and were on it like bloodhounds, Joe putting a hand on his arm and calling out "Gwil-"

And Rami begging "Stop the car, please," so he had. Rami flung the door wide and turned on his Freddie voice perfectly, the dirty dirty bastard; it takes Gwilym a couple "that's interesting"s to get his May voice down. And then the original Bass Man ducked into the vehicle and oh good God. Gwilym takes time to breathe and settle himself as he sees the aftermath of those heinous people--how could they call themselves fans in good conscience? of all the nerve--bombarding such a gentle man.

Gwilym feels a surge of protectiveness fill him as Joe speaks up in his always-cheerful way and Gwil looks into the eyes of John Deacon to introduce himself. He feels John's terror and his gentleness of spirit all at once, and understands with a shock like static electricity why Brian and Roger remain so preservative of this man's choices and privacy still; he sees what makes them respect him. John is soft-spoken and gentle and totally unaware of how genuinely impressive he is. 

Gwilym is freaking out. But he also wants to help, and so he asks if he can take John and his wife anywhere. Which is how they end up at a coffee shop and bookstore and John _asks if they want to come in with him._ Gwilym physically has to stop himself from jumping up and down screaming after being asked and graces John with a sedate nod instead. 

Rami's eyes are dancing with his own inner fanboy freak-out as they reach the door, and Gwilym is relieved to catch sight of the sixteenth century literature section so he can transfer his excitement away from John and thus not make the man feel any more uncomfortable. He is okay with Joe calling him a nerd in that instance and ducks into the maze of bookshelves with his heart still pounding.

***

Rami is barely able to control his face. He is torn between a manic smile with unceasing giggles or violent sobbing coupled with the impulse to wrap John Deacon in the tightest hug imaginable. Joe is handling this well; his subtlety in acting has always been one of his greatest strengths. Plus he had met John first, so is able to handle his excitement. Or at the very least appear to. 

Meanwhile Rami feels as though his heart could very well stop. Meeting and getting to know Roger and Brian had been astounding enough, the most humbling experience of his life was receiving their blessing to play Freddie. But now... Joe had told him what John said about having his best friend back for two hours and change--and being in the same space as the man, seeing and feeling his very real heartache and humility, Rami feels even more privileged to embody the spirit of a person so beloved. He now has the blessing of all of Queen--all that is left--and he has no words to fully, adequately articulate the meaning of and the pleasure he has experienced by bringing Freddie Mercury back to life onscreen in the eyes of his dear, perhaps his dearest, friend.

Rami is thankful to Joe and Gwilym for sharing this with him; and to Ben as well. He is glad that he and Gwil and Joe can make jokes about drinks and love because otherwise Rami has no clue how he would handle his awe. And yet John is so gentle and fragile and humble, which allows Rami's regard to grow even as his compassion does too.

Veronica assures him of how much his performance and what he had done tonight means to her husband: "John may not say much at times, but he feels deeply, and your performance and lovely, decent gesture this evening mean so much to him." As they go up to the coffee counter together, Veronica takes both of Rami's hands and presses them. Her lips have started trembling, and he feels tears prick his eyes in response. "I want you to know, he has carried his grief for so long it was nearly crushing him; but you and Joseph and Gwilym--and your other boy, who played Roger. Ben--"

"Ben Hardy," Rami supplies, nodding. 

"Yes. You four boys gave him real comfort through that film. I want you to know that, and I wanted to say thank you." She releases his hands now and kisses him on the cheek. Rami trembles. He has no words for how grateful he is, how grateful he has been throughout all of this.

He knows he shall be grateful forever; they all will.

_Those days are all gone now but one thing's still true  
When I look, and I find, I still love you. I still love you._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Queen and to the cast of Bohemian Rhapsody for being simply astounding.
> 
> The title and italicised words at the start of each chapter (and end of the last one) of this piece are lyrics from the Queen song 'These Are The Days Of Our Lives'.
> 
> I want to stress that I completely respect John Deacon and his decisions to leave the band behind after losing Freddie.  
> This is a purely hypothetical situation, because I wonder what would happen if he were to say something about the film Bohemian Rhapsody. I was asked to write a story where he meets Joe Mazzello. This is my approximation of that meeting (based in fact because Joe has said in several interviews that he met and spoke with John's youngest son.)
> 
> I also heard that people saw and chased after him and his wife on a street with cameras, poor dear private John. I felt I had to right that wrong.
> 
> Basically Gwilym freaking out over John is me. (Also I heard him say in an interview that one way he was able to get into character as Brian was by saying "that's interesting" over and over in Brian's voice.)
> 
> Comments are always appreciated, and thank you for reading :)


End file.
